Struggling With the Principle

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Struggling With the Principle

[Not included in the original printing of
Voices From The Past: Diaries, Journals, and Autobiographies]

My husband had always told me he would marry again, for he believed in the principle (of polygamy). It was preached to us as strong as the Word of Wisdom and tithing is now preached. We felt that we wanted to live as nearly right as we could, and although I was of a very jealous disposition and loved my husband to distraction, when he told me of his intentions of trying to live this law and asked if I could get along with his choice, I promised to try by the help of my Father in Heaven to do my best. But he knew how I loved him and how jealous I was of him – no one but my Father in Heaven knows what a struggle I had. I prayed to my Father in Heaven almost unceasingly to give me strength to live that principle and live it right.

October 6, 1887, my husband took me in his arms and told me he was marrying another girl, but if I would be brave and stand true to him, he would be true to me. Imagine me seeing him drive off with another. I knew it would never be the same; his love and time would be divided. I thought that my heart would break; my throat swelled until I thought that it would choke [me] to death; but I prayed as I had never prayed before.

They were gone a week and came home about 12 o’clock at night. My three little girls were in bed and asleep. I went out in the moonlight, wandered up on the hill overlooking town. I sat in the moonlight and thought it out and knelt down and poured my feelings out and asked my Father in Heaven to give me courage and strength to do His will and live the law acceptable to Him. It was getting late, and I came home to see if my baby was all right. I couldn’t go to bed. I was restless after a while. I heard them coming. He took her home and then came to our home. As he came in the door and found me crying, he stood and looked at me, and I have never saw him look more beautiful in his life – he was just handsome. He took me in his arms and talked to me for some time, and I was so convinced the principle was from God, and I was so much relieved of the weight I was carrying. I knew the Lord had given it to His people, and I did the best I could to live it correctly; it was a sore trial. My own heart only knows of the heartaches and sorrows I passed through, but now I am happy and proud to know we stood firm and true. I feel there will be a great blessing for living it through. I hope not one of the children will ever speak lightly of it or say they do not believe in the principle, because I feel it was one of God’s greatest commandments given to His people. It took courage, faith, prayer, determination, and the help of the Lord to do this.

We felt that we wanted to live as nearly right as we could....

I thought that my heart would break....

I feel it was one of God’s greatest commandments given to His people.

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[Not included in the original printing of
Voices From The Past: Diaries, Journals, and Autobiographies]

My husband had always told me he would marry again, for he believed in the principle (of polygamy). It was preached to us as strong as the Word of Wisdom and tithing is now preached. We felt that we wanted to live as nearly right as we could, and although I was of a very jealous disposition and loved my husband to distraction, when he told me of his intentions of trying to live this law and asked if I could get along with his choice, I promised to try by the help of my Father in Heaven to do my best. But he knew how I loved him and how jealous I was of him – no one but my Father in Heaven knows what a struggle I had. I prayed to my Father in Heaven almost unceasingly to give me strength to live that principle and live it right.

October 6, 1887, my husband took me in his arms and told me he was marrying another girl, but if I would be brave and stand true to him, he would be true to me. Imagine me seeing him drive off with another. I knew it would never be the same; his love and time would be divided. I thought that my heart would break; my throat swelled until I thought that it would choke [me] to death; but I prayed as I had never prayed before.

They were gone a week and came home about 12 o’clock at night. My three little girls were in bed and asleep. I went out in the moonlight, wandered up on the hill overlooking town. I sat in the moonlight and thought it out and knelt down and poured my feelings out and asked my Father in Heaven to give me courage and strength to do His will and live the law acceptable to Him. It was getting late, and I came home to see if my baby was all right. I couldn’t go to bed. I was restless after a while. I heard them coming. He took her home and then came to our home. As he came in the door and found me crying, he stood and looked at me, and I have never saw him look more beautiful in his life – he was just handsome. He took me in his arms and talked to me for some time, and I was so convinced the principle was from God, and I was so much relieved of the weight I was carrying. I knew the Lord had given it to His people, and I did the best I could to live it correctly; it was a sore trial. My own heart only knows of the heartaches and sorrows I passed through, but now I am happy and proud to know we stood firm and true. I feel there will be a great blessing for living it through. I hope not one of the children will ever speak lightly of it or say they do not believe in the principle, because I feel it was one of God’s greatest commandments given to His people. It took courage, faith, prayer, determination, and the help of the Lord to do this.