FATHERING LEADERSHIP

Develop a Healthier Personal Behavior Pattern

TEN DAYS

A 10 DAY COURSE THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER

PURPOSE OF THIS 10 DAY COURSE:

  1. LEARN profound lessons through daily stories & reflection
  2. Gain MOTIVATION to change behavior through understanding
  3. TRACK your progress | ACCOUNT for what you’ve done
  4. RECORD your thoughts & impressions
  5. REPEAT good behavior until healthy habits are formed

WHAT TO DO:

  1. Read the WELCOME | INTRODUCTION section below.
  2. Read the LAWS OF PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY & RIGHTEOUS RELATIONSHIPS section below.
  3. This course may be completed alone without any problems, however, it was designed for two individuals to work together, to learn together, to reflect together, to encourage each other, etc. Wtih this in mind, read the PARENTS section and the MENTORS section below.
  4. Begin your ten day journey to transformation by reading the material for DAY ONE below. Good luck!
Flying Snowy Egret | by Scott B. Froerer

WELCOME | INTRODUCTION

Stories that Grow With You!

THE FOUR PILLARS OF CHARACTER:

  1. ATTITUDE
  2. BEHAVIOR
  3. CHOICE
  4. DESIRE

As you progress through this 10 day course it will be paramount that you pay close attention to how the four pillars of your own character change over time. Consider discussing these personal attributes with your study partner before and after the course, if not each day throughout.

ATTITUDE

Through various short stories and personal learning activities, you will observe how your attitude affects choices and how your choices affects behavior.

You will learn how self-talk reveals your attitude and how attitude, like behavior, has consequences.

You will see that when you respect others, you will earn their respect.

And, when you have a reverence for life, your own life will become more meaningful.

BEHAVIOR

This learning guide will help you develop a healthier personal behavior pattern of living.

You will see how daily prayer, scripture study, journal-keeping, communicating, and sharing will add happiness to your life.

A healthier behavior pattern will directly affect the way you treat others and how others treat you.

Your behavior ultimately defines who you are.

CHOICE

Life is filled with choices. Each one affects you in some small or great way.

It’s important for you to learn how to make choices that lead to happiness and avoid choices that lead to unhappiness.

This book provides a way for you to think about the choices you make and helps you develop a healthier behavior pattern in your life.

See In Control – Elder Robert E. Wells, The New Era, September 1987

DESIRE

Desire motivates you to take action in hopes of obtaining what you want. 

By using reason, you can prioritize which desire to act upon.  You can choose to satisfy or ignore a specific desire. 

You can choose to increase or decrease a desire.  Dallin H. Oaks has said:

“Let us remember that desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions.”

Desire – Apostle Dallin H. Oaks, LDS General Conference, April 2011

LAWS OF PERSONAL RESPONIBILITY & RIGHTEOUS RELATIONSHIPS

Our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, are perfect examples.  As you become acquainted with their attributes, characteristics, and personality, your desire to become like them will be ignited.  You begin to see your potential and you can choose to behave like them.  You can begin to act more Christlike. As you act more Christlike, your attitude will become cheerful, positive, and inspiring.

In The History of Sandford and Merton , by Thomas Day, young Tommy says, “What a [great] number of accidents people are subject to in this world.”  Tommy’s mentor replies, “As that is the case, it is necessary to improve ourselves in every manner, that we may be able to struggle against them” (p 228).

It is my hope we will improve ourselves a little each day.

PARENTS

PARENTS

     ‘Mother’ is a “scared title referring to a woman who bears or adopts children. Mothers assist in God’s plan by providing mortal bodies for God’s spirit children.” (Mother | Guide) A father is more than a provider, a caregiver, or even a mentor. A father is also a “sacred title referring to a man who has begotten or legally adopted a child.” (Father | Guide)

     “Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations. (Family | Procamation)

     What a grand privilege it is to be a parent!  Who can describe one’s feelings when a child’s innocent eyes recognize your smile, when pure ears respond to your voice, when tiny hands reach out and embrace your finger…then call you “daddy.”  Is there any greater trust given by one soul to another?

     Fortunately we are not this child’s only parents.  We each have a Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother who love us and whom we lived with before this mortal life.  “When we comprehend the doctrine of premortal life, we know that we are the children of God, that we lived with him in spirit form before entering mortality.” (The Mystery of Life | Paker)

     As mortal parents, we begin to understand the wonder of life.  We see more clearly the difficult challenge of helping our spirit brother or sister learn the critical lessons of life.  We learn to pray with them and for them.  We teach them of our loving Heavenly Parents and of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

     We bow our head, strive to better emulate heaven’s example, and swell with joy when we hear the word “mother” or “father.”

Additional Resources

A 3-Step Guide to Maintaining Your Mental Health ~ By Michael Gardner, PhD Family Services, Ensign, Sept. 2020

‘We believe in fathers’By Eliza Smith-Driggs  Church News, 21 Jun. 2020

MOTHER | Guide to the Scriptures

A sacred title referring to a woman who bears or adopts children. Mothers assist in God’s plan by providing mortal bodies for God’s spirit children.

FATHER | Guide to the Scriptures

A sacred title referring to a man who has begotten or legally adopted a child.

THE FAMILY: A Proclamation to the World

THE FAMILY

A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.

Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

THE MYSTERY OF LIFE | Elder Boyd K. Packer

The Mystery of Life

I want to tell you of an incident that happened many years ago. Two of our sons, then little boys, were wrestling on the rug, and they had reached that line which separates laughter from tears. So I worked my foot carefully between them and lifted the older one back to a sitting position on the rug. As I did so, I said, “Hey there, you little monkeys. You’d better settle down.”

To my surprise he folded his little arms, his eyes swimming with deep hurt, and protested, “I not a monkey, Daddy, I a person!

The years have not erased the overwhelming feeling of love I felt for my little sons. I was taught a profound lesson by my little boys. Many times over the years his words have slipped back into my mind, “I not a monkey, Daddy, I a person!” I was taught a profound lesson by my little boy.

Now the cycle of life has moved swiftly on, and both of those sons have little boys of their own, who teach their fathers lessons. They now watch their children grow as we watched them. They are coming to know something as fathers that they could not be taught as sons. Perhaps now they know how much their father loves them. Hopefully, they know as well why prayers begin “Our Father who art in heaven.”

All too soon their children will be grown with little “persons” of their own, repeating the endless cycle of life.

There is on the West Coast a statue by Ernesto Gazzeri which depicts in marble that cycle of life. There are toddlers and children, teenagers, young lovers, the mature and the aged, gazing at a newborn baby. Two figures to the back, however, face away from the group. An aged couple, supporting one another, haltingly moves away from the family circle.

Persons enter life through mortal birth and, in due time, disappear through the veil of death. Most of them never sense why we are here.

Nothing is more obvious than what the statue represents, but the sculptor entitled it The Mystery of Life.

Occasionally, as at the time of birth, we pause in awe of what nature has to say. We see patterns of creation, so ordered and so beautiful as to sponsor deep feelings of reverence and humility. Then, just when we might discover the meaning of life, we are jerked back by the wild, uncontrolled things that humanity is doing to itself.

There are so many unanswered questions. Why the inequities in life?

Some are so rich.

Some so wretchedly poor.

Some so beautifully formed, and others with pitiful handicaps.

Some are gifted and others retarded.

Why the injustice, the untimely death? Why the neglect, the sorrow, the pain?

Why divorce, incest, perversion, abuse, and cruelty?

If there be order and meaning to life, they are hardly visible in what mortals do to one another and to themselves.

In counterpoint, we see love and devotion, sacrifice, faith, and humility; we see humanity in exalted expression of courage and heroism.

When at last the mystery of life is unraveled, what will be revealed?

I know a man who studied for the ministry. Then just before his ordination he dropped out because there were so many unanswered questions. He still regarded himself as a devout, if somewhat disillusioned, Christian. He found another profession, married, and was raising a family when our missionaries found him.

He made a very superficial study of the doctrines of the Church and found them tolerable enough. The fundamentals of Christianity were visible. But he was most interested in programs and activities that would benefit his family.

It was after he was baptized that he made the discovery of his life. To his surprise he found, underlying the programs of the Church, a solid foundation of doctrine. He had no idea of the depth and breadth and height of our theology. When once he moved from interest in the programs to a study of the gospel of Jesus Christ, he found answers which explained to his full satisfaction the deep questions that had left him unable to accept ordination as a clergyman.

One doctrine was completely new to him. Although he was a student of the Bible, he had not found it there until he read the other revelations. Then the Bible was clear to him and he understood.

The doctrine is so logical, so reasonable, and explains so many things, that it is a wonder that the Christian world rejected it. It is so essential a part of the equation of life that, left out, life just cannot add up, it remains a mystery.

The doctrine is simply this: life did not begin with mortal birth. We lived in spirit form before we entered mortality. We are spiritually the children of God.

This doctrine of premortal life was known to ancient Christians. For nearly five hundred years the doctrine was taught, but it was then rejected as a heresy by a clergy that had slipped into the Dark Ages of apostasy.

Once they rejected this doctrine, the doctrine of premortal life, and the doctrine of redemption for the dead, they could never unravel the mystery of life. They became like a man trying to assemble a strand of pearls on a string that was too short. There is no way they can put them all together.

Why is it so strange a thought that we lived as spirits before entering mortality? Christian doctrine proclaims the Resurrection, meaning that we will live after mortal death. If we live beyond death, why should it be strange that we lived before birth?

The Christian world in general accepts the idea that our condition in the Resurrection will be determined by our actions in this life. Why can they not believe that some circumstances in this life were determined by our actions before coming into mortality?

The scriptures teach this doctrine, the doctrine of premortal life. For His own reasons, the Lord provides answers to some questions, with pieces placed here and there throughout the scriptures. We are to find them; we are to earn them. In that way sacred things are hidden from the insincere.

Of the many verses revealing this doctrine, I will quote two short phrases from the testimony of John in the ninety-third section of the Doctrine and Covenants. The first, speaking of Christ, says plainly, “He was in the beginning, before the world was.” (D&C 93:7.)

And the other, referring to us, says with equal clarity, “Ye were also in the beginning with the Father.” (D&C 93:23.)

Essential facts about our premortal life have been revealed. Although they are sketchy, they unravel the mystery of life.

When we comprehend the doctrine of premortal life, we know that we are the children of God, that we lived with him in spirit form before entering mortality.

We know that this life is a test, that life did not begin with birth, nor will it end with death.

Then life begins to make sense, with meaning and purpose even in all of the chaotic mischief that mankind creates for itself.

Imagine that you are attending a football game. The teams seem evenly matched. One team has been trained to follow the rules; the other, to do just the opposite. They are committed to cheat and disobey every rule of sportsmanlike conduct.

While the game ends in a tie, it is determined that it must continue until one side wins decisively.

Soon the field is a quagmire.

Players on both sides are being ground into the mud. The cheating of the opposing team turns to brutality.

Players are carried off the field. Some have been injured critically; others, it is whispered, fatally. It ceases to be a game and becomes a battle.

You become very frustrated and upset. “Why let this go on? Neither team can win. It must be stopped.”

Imagine that you confront the sponsor of the game and demand that he stop this useless, futile battle. You say it is senseless and without purpose. Has he no regard at all for the players?

He calmly replies that he will not call the game. You are mistaken. There is a great purpose in it. You have not understood.

He tells you that this is not a spectator sport—it is for the participants. It is for their sake that he permits the game to continue. Great benefit may come to them because of the challenges they face.

He points to players sitting on the bench, suited up, eager to enter the game. “When each one of them has been in, when each has met the day for which he has prepared so long and trained so hard, then, and only then, will I call the game.”

Until then, it may not matter which team seems to be ahead. The present score is really not crucial. There are games within games, you know. Whatever is happening to the team, each player will have his day.

Those players on the team that keeps the rules will not be eternally disadvantaged by the appearance that their team somehow always seems to be losing.

In the field of destiny, no team or player will be eternally disadvantaged because they keep the rules. They may be cornered or misused, even defeated for a time. But individual players on that team, regardless of what appears on the scoreboard, may already be victorious.

Each player will have a test sufficient to his needs; how each responds is the test.

When the game is finally over, you and they will see purpose in it all, may even express gratitude for having been on the field during the darkest part of the contest.

I do not think the Lord is quite so hopeless about what’s going on in the world as we are. He could put a stop to all of it any moment. But He will not! Not until every player has a chance to meet the test for which we were preparing before the world was, before we came into mortality.

The same testing in troubled times can have quite opposite effects on individuals. Three verses from the Book of Mormon, which is another testament of Christ, teach us that “they had wars, and bloodsheds, and famine, and affliction, for the space of many years.

“And there had been murders, and contentions, and dissensions, and all manner of iniquity among the people of Nephi; nevertheless for the righteous’ sake, yea, because of the prayers of the righteous, they were spared.

“But behold, because of the exceedingly great length of the war between the Nephites and the Lamanites many had become hardened, because of the exceedingly great length of the war; and many were softened because of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility.” (Alma 62:39–41; italics added.)

Surely you know some whose lives have been filled with adversity who have been mellowed and strengthened and refined by it, while others have come away from the same test bitter and blistered and unhappy.

There is no way to make sense out of life without a knowledge of the doctrine of premortal life.

The idea that mortal birth is the beginning is preposterous. There is no way to explain life if you believe that.

The notion that life ends with mortal death is ridiculous. There is no way to face life if you believe that.

When we understand the doctrine of premortal life, then things fit together and make sense. We then know that little boys and little girls are not monkeys, nor are their parents, nor were theirs, to the very beginning generation.

We are the children of God, created in his image.

Our child-parent relationship to God is clear.

The purpose for the creation of this earth is clear.

The testing that comes in mortality is clear.

The need for a redeemer is clear.

When we do understand that principle of the gospel, we see a Heavenly Father and a Son; we see an atonement and a redemption.

We understand why ordinances and covenants are necessary.

We understand the necessity for baptism by immersion for the remission of sins. We understand why we renew that covenant by partaking of the sacrament.

I have but touched upon the doctrine of premortal life. We cannot, in these brief conference talks, do more than that. Oh, if we but had a day, or even an hour, to speak of it.

I assure you there is, underlying the programs and activities of this church, a depth and breadth and height of doctrine that answers the questions of life.

When one knows the gospel of Jesus Christ, there is cause to rejoice. The words joy and rejoice appear through the scriptures repetitively. Latter-day Saints are happy people. When one knows the doctrine, parenthood becomes a sacred obligation, the begetting of life a sacred privilege. Abortion would be unthinkable. No one would think of suicide. And all the frailties and problems of men would fade away.

We have cause to rejoice and we do rejoice, even celebrate.

“The glory of God is intelligence, or, in other words, light and truth.” (D&C 93:36.)

God bless us that we and all who will hear His message can celebrate the Light! Of him I bear witness, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

The Mystery of Life | Elder Boyd K. Packer | Nov.1983

MENTORS

MENTORS

A MENTOR is someone who guides, inspires, and helps develop another. They assist growth and personal achievement until self-reliance and self-confidence is achieved. Then they watch from a distance, in gratitude, when they no longer are needed.

Sometimes, being needed is replaced with respect, and occasionally even emulation. Grandparents, parents, teachers, and mature friends are examples of frequent mentors.

This activity book is designed to be read together, by a mentor and child or children, each morning and evening. In the evenings, a short devotional includes a scripture, prayer, and writing in a journal. To encourage the pondering of what is being read, learning activities are also provided. Mentors should add supporting personal experiences that are child age-appropriate.

As a result of this reading, activity, and sharing process, it is hoped that a healthy living and attitude pattern will be experienced by each child.

The “Bookshelf” button below will provide a link to a listing of resources. The “Harry & Tommy” button will give you a link to each morning and evening reading for ten consecutive days. To begin on the morning of the first day, select Begin.

 

 

Other Resource
Joseph’s Song
Joseph (I Was Not His Father)
Michael McLean’s “The Forgotten Carols”

Following Worthy Mentors
Ed Eyestone, BYU Speeches

BEGIN | DAY ONE

Good luck!

Start Changing Your Behavior Now

Now that you have read through the introductory material, you are sufficiently prepared to embark on a journey of self transformation.

If you have any questions please do not hesitate to reach out. I would love to hear fom you.

I wish you good luck!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Scott B. Froerer, M.Ed

Scott B. Froerer, M.Ed.

I describe myself as a lifelong learner, a person of faith, and one who loves his wife and family.  I have been blessed with five children, a supportive wife, and a career as an administrator for the Division of Continuing Education at Brigham Young University for 37 years.

Many of the stories contained in this work are based on personal experience. The principles and suggestions I share come from my heart as well as from my head.  They feel true to me.  I take full responsibility for the views expressed, which don’t necessarily represent the position of BYU or The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I pray we will each be blessed
  • with power…by knowing the truth,
  • with freedom…by making wise choices, and
  • with grace…by following heaven’s divine example.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

Audio Link

LATTER-DAY SAINTS

  • Old Testament
  • New Testament
  • Book of Mormon
  • Doctrine & Covenants
  • Pearl of Great Price
  • LDS Hymnal
  • Children’s Songbook

TEMPLES

  • Holiness Restored (video)

FATHERS

  • by Elder D. Todd Christofferson

PERSONAL STORIES

  • Voices From the Past
  • N. C. Hanks’ Inspirational Story
  • An Unexpected Gift
  • “One Holy Thing”
  • Memories Bring Back Memories

FAMILY | ANCESTORS

  • Captain James Brown
  • Thomas A. Shreeve
  • Catherine Roe Souter
  • Robert Souter
  • Frederick G. Froerer
  • Elizabeth Sabin
  • Lillian Froerer
  • Armstead Moffett
  • Jennie Souter Wolgamott
  • Larraine McCrea
  • Tim Tegge
  • Bernice ‘Roz’ Martin
  • History of Ogden Valley